Day 6. What Not To Say – The list goes on and on… Some of the different things that people have told me have truly shocked me. I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around why some people choose to say the things they do. As a generalized statement, it is best to avoid cliches. “God needed another little angel” – “Everything happens for a reason” – “It was God’s will”…these are all statements that probably sound good when you are searching for the right words, but they really are far from comforting. There is no reason that will ever be good enough to justify why my daughter died. A lot of these kinds of statements are just assumptions. Unless you know for sure that your comment is indeed true, its best to not share it like the gospel. At the end of the day, I know people are just trying to help. People (especially family) will do and say anything to try to “fix” loved ones who are hurting. One important detail about grief is that there is no “fixing” a person. Bereaved families don’t need explanations for what happened, they just need love and support while they try to pick up all the pieces. Sometimes the best way to be there for a loved one isn’t through thought-provoking discussion, but in ways that no words need to be said at all.
Day 7. What To Say – We all talk about the bad things people say to us, but we rarely focus on the good things. There is so much a person can say to help a friend or loved one. First off, say their child’s name. I love it when people bring up Emilia. It shows me they care. I think a lot of people try to avoid the topic because they think it might bring up sad memories. This is the furthest from the truth. Remember their child’s Birthday and make a point to say something on this date and other special holidays. Ask personal questions. I love it when people ask me questions that may seem a little too personal. I LOVE talking about her, even on the topics that are a little sensitive. Overall, just recognize that Emilia is still my daughter. She is just as much my child as Adelaide is. I don’t have just one daughter, I have two… it just happens that my youngest lives in Heaven.
Day 8. Jewelry – Have you heard of an Urn necklace? A necklace that holds a small portion of your loved one’s cremains? That is exactly what my Emilia’s Necklace is. I hold Emilia close to my heart every day, from sunrise to sunset. The gem cradled in the pair of angel wings is Emilia’s Birthstone – Aquamarine – for her birth month is March. On the end of the chain hangs two gems. One is a Ruby, which represents Adelaide (as her birthday is in July) and the other gem is another Aquamarine stone to represent Emilia. As Dan and I have more children, I will continue to add more gems to represent our other children.
Day 9. Special Place – Our family’s special place is Autumn’s Garden of Hope at North Kansas City Hospital. This is the hospital where both of our daughters were born. Autumn’s Garden is very dear to our family. We connected with this sacred place from the moment we visited. Emilia was cremated, so we have no proper place outside of our home to go to when we want to honor and reflect on her life, but when we are in Autumn’s Garden we feel like we can do just that. It is our holy ground. A special place that has provided us so much comfort and a place where we know Emilia’s spirit continues to live on. We knew right away that we wanted to add to this Garden and we were so happy to have two sculptures added. A 2 ft tall Angel who has a baby cradled in her arms and a memorial vase for families to leave flower arrangements in memory of their children. We hope these additions give back to other families in a way that Autumn’s Garden of Hope has given back to us.
Day 10. Symbol – We have three symbols that remind us of Emilia. Bunnies, Feathers/Angel Wings, and Stars. Emilia was given this bunny while we were in the hospital. Everywhere she went, it also went. It’s not very big, it stands probably 6 inches tall… but next to her it looked huge! Its crazy how often we see bunnies now, both real bunnies and ones in artwork or statues that also have angels incorporated into the piece. I just know this symbol is far from being coincidental. There is no specific moment that has made feathers, Angel wings, and stars so symbolic to us. They just are. When I come across one of these objects, I can feel that Emilia isn’t very far and everything in that moment just seems right.
Continue Reading on our Next Page… →